Ah, Soccer Saturday.
If you don't have tickets for the game, you watch Soccer Saturday.
If you can't be bothered washing the car, you watch Soccer Saturday.
If you want to avoid that same episode of The Big Bang Theory you've already seen 28 times, you watch Soccer Saturday.
Never before has it been so important to discover whether Port Talbot Town's skipper can mark his comeback from long-term injury with a goal.
Or whether East Stirlingshire can grab a late winner at home to Berwick Rangers despite being reduced to ten men.
Or whether Hartlepool's finest Jeff Stelling will suddenly become a glory-hunter and start rooting for Middlesbrough.
Jeff, of course, is not alone. For there are reporters at the grounds, led by the incomparable Chris Kamara.
And with him in the studio are Le Tiss, Merse, Thommo and Champagne Charlie.
As a format, it works well and has become cult viewing.
But just imagine for a second that everyone was talking Italian. That the studio was bigger. With more people, more shouting and more bias.
Then Soccer Saturday would start to resemble Diretta Stadio.
Broadcast since 1999, Diretta Stadio covers domestic football in Italy and any of their teams playing in Europe. And it is something to behold.
The set-up is this. On either side of the studio are a row of pundits.
Between them, at separate desks, are those commentating on the day's featured game(s) from a monitor.
Oh, and there are a few presenters who get lost in the general chaos.
For the commentators are fans and can be as partial as they want - Juventus, Napoli, Inter and Milan all have their own representatives.
The pundits are no better, with any semblance of their neutrality also discarded.
What follows is everyone ranting and raving at one another across the studio in indecipherable Italian.
And that is just when there is nothing happening. A goal going in is the cue for all-out, batshit craziness.
Then we have people jumping about, running around the studio, hugging the cameramen, winding up other pundits who were winding them up earlier - yes, it all goes on.
But that is not all. Also thrown into the mix are scarves, hats, flags, airhorns, banners and a varied selection of props, including massive cardboard cut-outs of owls.
We even get moments of minor homoeroticism.
Quite simply, it is television gold. And to prove it, here are a few clips.
In the first, Antonio Paolino watches his beloved Juventus take on Celtic and tries on the same line of underwear that Nicklas Bendtner has previously sported (Paddy Power sponsor the programme, by the way).
When two of Juventus, Napoli, Inter and Milan play each other, we get two commentators. The result is something along these lines. Bet you were not expecting what happens at 5:12 though. Very bizarre!
Covering Inter there was Filippo Tramontana. And here he is again going, well, all-out batshit crazy as the Nerazzurri knock Bayern Munich out of the Champions League on away goals, courtesy of a late strike by Goran Pandev.
And if you are wondering where the guy is charging off to at 6:09, he needed the bathroom!
And finally, to the legend that is Milan obsessive Tiziano Crudeli.
Poor Tiziano almost has a nervous breakdown when Spurs take the lead. He is then tipped over the edge by Milan's equaliser being disallowed.
There are so many other videos I could have used to demonstrate the beauty of this show. Take a look yourself on YouTube.
So please love Diretta Stadio. It takes Soccer Saturday to the next level.